Melissa Writes

With recent world events taking place there’s been a lot of talk. A lot of talk about war, a lot of talk about who’s fault it is, a lot of varying opinions (some of which blow my mind), but one thing people can’t and shouldn’t forget about is our Military. 

When orders come down they go. They go whether they agree or not. They go even if they just finished celebrating their wedding, had a baby, buried a loved one, they go. Service members are from all backgrounds, both men and women who signed up to SERVE their country. When they are called upon they go and they serve. They are not asked their opinion on the matter, they just go. 

While we stay here in America, where we too often forget how blessed we are, they go. They go because they are called, because they serve our great country and because they put their country and it’s citizens BEFORE self. 

So please, whatever your opinions are, do not place blame on a soldier, for if they had not signed up to serve, you would be. A soldier does not join the Military with a foreknowledge of what’s to come or what they will be asked to do. They throw themselves at the mercy of world circumstance for their LOVE of country and their LOVE of the people in it. 

I think we can all learn something from our soldiers. They come from all backgrounds, all races, varying opinions, and yet, in a time where they need to come together for the good and safety of our country they do it. No questions asked. They DESERVE our prayers, our love and our support whether we agree with those in Washington or not. Their families also deserve the same level of love and respect, as there are never any guarantees they will come home.

I encourage you to reach out to a service member that you know. Find out if there’s anything you can do to support them or their family. It’s the LEAST we can do as civilians who keep our feet safely planted on American soil. This is where we as AMERICANS can come together, put our political beliefs aside for a moment, and support and pray for the men and women who are laying their lives on the line for us. 

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They Signed up for it. A phrase I’ve heard or seen several times over my years as a Military spouse. At times it was in response to how we should honor the service of the fallen. Other times it was in response to honoring those who currently serve. It’s an accurate statement to some degree, they did, after all, sign up for it. I wonder though, how many would do it again once they truly understood what they signed up for? When you join the Military you get a job title, some training and a uniform and you are sent on your way. There’s no handbook on your personal experiences to come.

Some sign up because they want to serve their country, some sign up because they want to be the ones actively protecting their families, and others sign up because of the free education opportunity. There are many reasons why someone might sign up, but do they truly know what they are getting into when they do?

Most pilots think that their main job in the military is going to be flying, but that job typically comes second. They aren’t always aware that their squadron job will often take up more time than their flying job. They don’t always realize that depending on which plane they fly, they can end up stuck all over the world for days or weeks on end due to a broken part.  The KC-135 for example has been around since 1954, the B-52 since 1955 and the list of aged aircraft goes on.  They don’t always know that at times they will be stuck in questionable countries under questionable and dangerous circumstances. Some so dangerous they have to spend the night on the runway in the plane. They don’t know what a deployment is ACTUALLY like or how it will impact their family until they live it. 

Not every troop on the ground immediately knows the “rules” of war when they are up against people who don’t have any. They haven’t experienced watching their friend and brother getting blown up by an IED right in front of their eyes prior to signing up. They haven’t been faced with the gut wrenching task of choosing to kill the enemy because if they don’t, the enemy will kill them and not think twice. These are things they may have thought about, but thinking about them and experiencing them are two completely different things. It’s not a war movie, it’s real life. They can’t just walk away and forget what they’ve seen.

A medic may have an idea of what it’s like to treat war wounds, but what happens when someone has both of their legs blown off? In war, there isn’t a hospital on the battle field. They are tasked with keeping the wounded alive while trying to get them safely to proper treatment.

When they sign up, they are at the service of their country. They do not decide where they go, what they do or when/where they deploy. They don’t get to say no, even if they don’t agree with every aspect of the job. 

So yes, they signed up for it, but did they really understand what they were signing up for? The sacrifices they would be making? The mental and emotional impact it would have on them and those they love? The answer is almost assuredly, no. Is that bravery or foolishness to decide to serve not knowing the magnitude of what’s to come? Most of the men and woman I know would make that same choice again, even knowing what they know now. I call that bravery.

That’s what service is. The desire to serve something outside of yourself, and taking a leap without fully understanding what that means for your life.

Moving. It comes with the territory when you are a military spouse. The majority of us move at least a handful of times throughout our spouse’s career. We don’t get to choose where we move, we go where we are assigned. There is a level of excitement with that, but it can also feel like a stranger is throwing darts on a map to decide your fate. 

Arrival

So, you finally get to your new assignment after dealing with the stress of yet another move. You are praying that all of your household  goods appear in one piece, especially the table that has been passed down in your family for generations and is irreplaceable. It’s a hypothetical table, as I don’t have one, but there’s usually something, something of great value that you can’t fit into your car that you have to trust the movers won’t break.

Unpacking and Exploring

Then comes the unpacking, that gets your adrenaline going. You unpack like a maniac because you just want to make your new house feel like a home. When you move every 2-3 years, the goal is to feel as settled as you can as quickly as you can. You try and fit the furniture you’ve carried with you through multiple moves into the new spaces you have to work with. You have eaten out for weeks, so you try and get through all of your dishes, pots and pans as quickly as possible. A home cooked meal is all you can stomach at this point. You go out and replace every cleaning supply you owned in your last house (as they can’t be packed), you buy curtains for new windows, furniture to fit new rooms, or sell furniture that has no place. Sometimes your spouse gets to be a part of the unpacking, other times they have left for training, or a mission or a deployment, or need to report to work immediately and have limited time. There’s no telling, but one thing is for sure, you need to feel settled. 

Exploring Your New Digs

Once the unpacking is done, you are free to drive around and learn your new town. You use GPS for a while because half the time you’ve never visited your new assignment location, let alone lived there. You spend some time learning what there is to do around your new town. Once you’ve done all of the things the town has to offer, and tried many of its restaurants, it’s time to get into your new routine. If you have children, that often means getting them started at their new school. For you, it might mean starting a new job (if you can find a job).

The Honeymoon Is Over

Then comes the most challenging part. The part that not many people talk about, the let down. The let down is when you’ve done all of the things you need to do to get settled. You’ve checked all of the boxes and your I’m-living-and-settling-into-a-new-place adrenaline crashes. Your spouse has started a regular work schedule again, your kids have their school schedule down and you are left in a new place where you may or may not know anyone. The longer you are in, the more people you will know, but the longer you are in the harder it gets to continually have to say goodbye to people. So, part of you just wants to stay home, not participate, become a recluse. If you don’t form relationships with people, then you don’t have to say goodbye and you can avoid some of the hurt. You have moments where you just need to take time for yourself, whether it be a nap, hitting the gym, reading a book or watching a show. They are necessary because you are coping with yet another big change.

It’s Normal

I say these things out of experience, but also out of talking to countless Military spouses who can relate. This is a normal aspect of the lifestyle we lead. For a long time I felt like there was something wrong with me, I wondered if my reaction was normal. It turns out that it’s very normal. It’s something I’ve come to recognize and embrace as part of the process. 

Everything Is Going To Be OK

The light at the end of the tunnel does come. It takes some time, but typically at about 6-12 months into an assignment, you finally start feeling more like yourself. You’ve gotten to know some people and you are ready to get to know more. You’ve realized that getting to know people is what makes or breaks an assignment! Yes, it’s hard to say goodbye, but for the time being you begin to embrace your newly formed support system (which is vital for Military families).

While moving is not easy and it comes with many challenges, the Military family is resilient. There’s always that initial adjustment, and the time frame can differ from person to person or location to location, but most of us wouldn’t change a thing. Sure, some days it might be easier to live in one place, have the safety net of family all around, and not worry about who is going to watch your kids when one has to go to the ER, but the adventure and life experiences that Military life brings makes it all worth it.